On Thursday’s group it was our final group for the year. We had decided to have a Christmas party.
However, as the group is called a life worth living we do acknowledge how Christmas can be a really difficult time for people.. We discussed how the run up to Christmas can seem to go on much longer and some people can find it very stressful. Some people find it a particularly lonely time, or a very painful time for a variety of reasons. Examples of this were, missing people no longer in our lives or dealing with our own/loved ones mental health issues.
For some people Christmas is a joyous time, often when children are around,and just enjoying the festive season and holiday.
Whatever Peoples’ experience is in our group we all feel valued and equal, we can all share our experiences but mainly have the best laughs with each other and Paul and Liz the facilitators.Every week there is a different topic and this week it was about celebrating Christmas.!
As always we had a quick ‘check-in’ for people to say how their week had been and then the party started!
We played a game called ‘The present game’ which was fast paced and great fun! Everyone had bought in a cheap present for this and everyone went home with at least two wee fun presents!
We then watched a compilation of funny Christmas clips from you tube, listened and chatted to Christmas music before playing the game Truth or lie. The rules of the game are that everyone had to say a truth or lie about themselves with everyone else having to decide which story is true and which is not. This proved to be harder than we thought!
We then had a buffet lunch before saying our goodbyes and looking forward to seeing each other in 2020, feeling blessed to belong to such a wonderful group!
Today we looked at what compliments meant to people. We broke the discussion into four key points;
How do you find giving compliments?
How do you find receiving compliments?
What are the rules/beliefs you attach to giving and receiving compliments?
Is there any difference between confidence and arrogance?
Group members did not seem to have too much of a problem in giving others compliments.
What was a big challenge for them was being able to accept compliments. Receiving compliments made them feel slightly awkward and uncomfortable. Some of the examples and beliefs for this were;
“I find compliments hard to believe due to my low sense of self-worth”
“They don’t really mean it and are just being nice”
” They are just sweetening me up as they want something”
” They will find out the real me and not like it”
” They are doing this as a joke at my expense”
“I don’t want people to think I’m a big head”
We then finally discussed whether local culture plays a part in these beliefs. In the U.K. we can tend to be very self-depreciating finding it hard to big ourselves up for fear of ridicule from others. Is it a confidence thing and we don’t wan’t to be seen as arrogant? There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. so where is the fine line? Below is a snippet of an interesting article from Dr Leisha Bailey on this
*Arrogant people build themselves up by putting others down – to “win”. Buddhism asserts that arrogance is to judge one’s self-worth by comparison with others. Arrogant people feel good about themselves only through affirming their superiority to others. Genuinely confident people feel great about themselves without comparing themselves with others. Arrogant people tend to bluff their way to success and often have difficulty listening to others. This person will avoid risks or blame others or circumstances if things do not work out as expected*
*Confidence is not a belief that one is always right or a sense of being unable to fail. True confidence welcomes alternative perspectives and opinions. A confident person rarely will be found lecturing or preaching to others on how they are wrong. Believing you are always right and unable to accept influence from others can make one obnoxious to be around. Confidence is being willing to be wrong and knowing you’ll be OK if you are. A truly self-confident person is able to show vulnerability and admit to past mistakes.*
Today’s group focussed on how people deal with the benefit system and more specifically, ‘Work Capability Assessment’ interviews. At group sessions we often hear of how the current system invokes strong feelings of anxiety and sheer terror. With this in mind we thought it would be good to have a look at the different processes involved and the options people have.
Below is an example of the different stages involved upon receiving assessment letter;
Attend ‘Work Capability Assessment’ interview
You receive a letter from the DWP* informing you that you are not being awarded benefit.
You disagree with their decision so respond by sending a ‘Mandatory consideration letter’ to inform the DWP* of your reasons for disagreeing with their decision to see if they will reconsider.
If the response from the DWP* is that they are upholding their original decision you then have the option to appeal it and have your case taken to at an independent tribunal.
If you are feeling anxious it is so important to seek support.
Group members felt that having someone to help support them in filling in forms was extremely beneficial and relievied some of their anxiety. With no support it can literally feel like a real life or death situation with the looming uncertainty of having no income to survive. That is why it is so useful to have supportive people around you to help provide some hope for your future.
Below is a small snap shot of how we used with Russian dolls to help us develop a better understand the dynamics of our ‘Inner child’
1. Inside the grown-up deep inside is the child just like these Russian dolls. You might feel it a positive when you are playing with children. For example I feel it while playing football with my young nephews.
2. You might feel it in a negative way if you are waiting to go in for formal appointment and you start to feel as if you did when you were called to the headmaster’s office. (Or maybe you were all good kids and were never sent to the headmaster’s office!)
3. (Using an elastic band) Like this band we are all big and stretched out, but certain events, circumstances or people could make us feel small again.
4. (Imagining all our younger selves) Thinking about when you were at primary school what 3 words would you use to describe the wee person you were then?
5. (Pick an age between 5-10 years old) – Thinking about you at the age you have chosen we will ask a few questions if that is OK to that part of you, be it 5 or 7 or 10 years old- whatever age you have picked. – Think about who was your teacher, your favourite toy or who were your friends then. Ok so we are all focused in on an age and who we were then. QUESTIONS- If that child had something to say, to be heard what might it say? What did it need? What would you like to say to it? How might you soothe it? (Note: Demonstrate by putting the little one in the big one.
6. We end by putting all the dolls back inside each other so there is just one big one. It demonstrates we are back in our adult place.
At today’s group we looked at the fear of failure. Although our fears come from a protective place they can ultimately leave us feeling stuck and unfulfilled in parts of our life. If you’ve suffered disappointments in life it feel such a risk to try something new and it not working out. To avoid these disappointing feelings people may decide it safer to stay in the situation they know. In this case the fear of failure can feel more powerful than the possibility of success. It can feel so scary to take that leap of faith into the unknown. Group members gave examples of how they overcame fears and how it became the making of them. The thing to remember is that even if you try something and it does not work out you can always try something else. This of course does not take away the feelings of disappointment but it certainly does not make you a failure. We are learning all the time, particularly in the hard times. If we think back to being a toddler and learning to walk we do fall at times but we get back up and gradually learn to walk. Below is an inspiring video of people who have faced disappointments but managed to keep on trying new things.
While preparing for our group programme in advance we are always mindful of the need to make sure it is finely balanced between light topics and others that are a bit heavier. After having a few deeper sessions it felt nice to mix it up today having a session on fun! It’s something that is so important for our well-being which sadly at times we can all too readily dismiss as un-important.
We did an exercise using spiritual cards and asked group members to choose a card that meant something to them. People found this useful as it provided an outlet to communicate how they felt. After this we played the card game adaption of the popular game show, ‘Catchphrase’. By the end of the game the scores between the two teams were fairly equal!
We finished with a look at what people’s favourite movies where and why. This evoked a discussion about the emotional attachment certain films held for people. Some of the films chosen were, ‘Cinema Paradiso’, ‘Kung Fu Panda’, ‘Back To The Future’, ‘Riding In Cars With Boys’, E.T., ‘Bridget Jones’s Baby’, ‘Mary and Max’ and ‘The Godfather’ It was so nice to feel the passion and energy this brought to the conclusion of todays’ group!