Today we looked at what compliments meant to people. We broke the discussion into four key points;
- How do you find giving compliments?
- How do you find receiving compliments?
- What are the rules/beliefs you attach to giving and receiving compliments?
- Is there any difference between confidence and arrogance?
Group members did not seem to have too much of a problem in giving others compliments.
What was a big challenge for them was being able to accept compliments. Receiving compliments made them feel slightly awkward and uncomfortable. Some of the examples and beliefs for this were;
- “I find compliments hard to believe due to my low sense of self-worth”
- “They don’t really mean it and are just being nice”
- ” They are just sweetening me up as they want something”
- ” They will find out the real me and not like it”
- ” They are doing this as a joke at my expense”
- “I don’t want people to think I’m a big head”
We then finally discussed whether local culture plays a part in these beliefs. In the U.K. we can tend to be very self-depreciating finding it hard to big ourselves up for fear of ridicule from others. Is it a confidence thing and we don’t wan’t to be seen as arrogant? There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. so where is the fine line? Below is a snippet of an interesting article from Dr Leisha Bailey on this
*Arrogant people build themselves up by putting others down – to “win”. Buddhism asserts that arrogance is to judge one’s self-worth by comparison with others. Arrogant people feel good about themselves only through affirming their superiority to others. Genuinely confident people feel great about themselves without comparing themselves with others. Arrogant people tend to bluff their way to success and often have difficulty listening to others. This person will avoid risks or blame others or circumstances if things do not work out as expected*
*Confidence is not a belief that one is always right or a sense of being unable to fail. True confidence welcomes alternative perspectives and opinions. A confident person rarely will be found lecturing or preaching to others on how they are wrong. Believing you are always right and unable to accept influence from others can make one obnoxious to be around. Confidence is being willing to be wrong and knowing you’ll be OK if you are. A truly self-confident person is able to show vulnerability and admit to past mistakes.*