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Month: October 2016
How we respond to change
We looked in our last group at how we deal with change, the general knee jerk reaction is that we don’t like it and it tends to bring a great deal of fear. However we broke down some of how we process change and it began to look less scary. We thought about how much of our fear is imagined and the anticipation of what may happen rather than an actual reality, so what can happen is that we look into the future, imagine the worst case scenario, believe that as a reality and subsequently change will feel very frightening. So we talked about what do we have control of in change? People answered that we can control our thoughts and emotions, attitudes and we can choose how we respond. We also looked at whether we are rigid in our thinking and expectations, or are we able to be flexible and have expectancy and a more open attitude to accepting that things will change rather than fighting against it-in fact some changes may be for the better. Sometimes it feels like the worst thing has happened but in time we see that it opened the way to something better. Susan Jeffers in ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ says that ultimately all our fears boil down to the one fear which is ‘I won’t be able to handle it’. The truth is that sometimes the worst thing does happen, and mostly, people do manage it. Maybe you can think of a time when you feared the worst, and when it happened you surprised yourself and got through, and discovered amazing things about yourself and others who maybe supported you at that time. Sometimes it can help to remember how we have previously navigated and adapted to change, and to accept that change happens in lots of different ways throughout our life.
Some changes are gradual and we can prepare whilst others can be horribly sudden and blindside us, but in hindsight it may have been better not to have known in advance. Some changes incur losses whilst other changes bring positives.
Learning to cope with stress can help us get through change and even recognising that stress in and of itself isn’t wholly bad as it gives us energy and drive to get through a challenging situation.
From Ridicule to Greatness
There was a positive air in the group today as we considered ignoring the views of the ‘nay sayers’ and listening to those who would encourage and affirm our pursuits, goals and dreams. If we can recognise and accept that we may fall and fail along the way, and perhaps ultimately discover that a certain course of action perhaps wasn’t the right way, well that is ok, because sometimes discovering the thing that you are not meant to do is very helpful in discovering the thing you are meant to do. We recalled Geoffrey Bains encouragement to us over the years in discovering what energizes us and where our passions lie. And instead of thinking ‘I’m not good enough at it’ or ‘that won’t succeed’ think, ‘well I’ll give it a go and see what happens’ because the other truth is that we need to practise at things, because we are rarely often just good at something, the key is to realise that if we practise we will get it and become good rather than trying it, thinking we are rubbish and giving up…the belief that we will get there is the key.
Consider Thomas Edison, when ridiculed at his 10000 attempts to get a lightbulb to work and called a failure, Edison replied;
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10000 ways that don’t work.”
Do you have a light on as you read this? Is your screen illuminated? Thank-you Mr. Edison for positive perseverance. Thomas Edison also acknowledged that hard work and passion are required to achieve goals and to not be discouraged but to try one more time.
We also considered Abraham Lincoln, America’s latterly revered president. It was not always so for Mr. Lincoln. Lincoln lost eight elections before becoming president and acquired enough criticism to fill several volumes; “universally an admitted failure, has no will, no courage, no executive capacity…”, and described as a “long armed ape”.
The insults are not new and neither have they ceased as we see in present day politics, but what is astounding about Lincoln is his attitude and response. He rose above the mud slinging and genuinely congratulated his opponents and critics on their work and achievements and bore no grudges, and when he did finally bear office he took those who would have spoken him down into his cabinet because he saw their talents and ultimately they saw his with great affection and respect.
How children’s T.V shows saved me
At today’s group we looked at some of the T.V programmes we watched and loved as kids. What was evident from the discussion was how children’s T.V programmes had provided an escapism from difficult childhoods and how some people felt that they wouldn’t have survived without them.
Some people in the group described how, as children programmes featuring horses had thrilled them such as Black Beauty, Champion the Wonder Horse and the Loan Ranger, the horses seemed so free and strong inspiring play of pretending to be a horse and galloping free. Happy Days was much loved along with Double Decker and people wanted to be ‘those kids’, Swap Shop too was fondly remembered-the forerunner to ebay! and Mr. Ben and Grange Hill.
We discussed how the T.V presenters of children’s programmes and the stars of the shows are important role models-for some children; they may be the only messengers of encouragement some children may have in their lives.
There is some research around which suggests that for some people connecting with happy memories or good can help them feel better particularly with feelings of depression. If it’s one little thing that helps then perhaps it’s worth a try. Certainly group members enjoyed remembering today.
