The Fear of being loved


Today group members talked of how hard it can be for them to react to comments made by others about them, be that negative or indeed positive.  We also discussed how people may find it easier not to get close to anyone for fear of rejection or of being let down. A lot of these issues have been due to childhood/ past experiences.  It can be such a scary thing to try and change the way you look at things after having done it habitually for years.  While we can understand the need to protect ourselves from a potential let down we can also be cutting ourselves of from happiness and in turn, increasing our loneliness.  An increased self awareness and self belief can provide a good start to changing this pattern.

Below is an article from the 2know myself website entitled Fear of Intimacy

Fear of intimacy

Fear of intimacy is the fear of forming a close relationship with someone, with your friends or even with your wife. Don’t you sometimes find yourself afraid to share your emotions with some of your close friends? This is a simple example of fear of intimacy.

People who fear intimacy either avoid close relationships completely or even form relationships with unavailable partners just to prevent the relationship from becoming intimate. The problem with fear of intimacy is that it leads to loneliness. Loneliness is the absence of intimacy and fear of intimacy makes sure that you won’t get close to anyone.

Overcoming fear of intimacy

In order to overcome the fear of intimacy you must first understand it. Fear of intimacy is usually the result of some early childhood wound like being rejected or betrayed. If as a child you were emotionally betrayed or if one of your parents betrayed the other you may grow up having fear of intimacy just to protect yourself from being betrayed or rejected.

This is how all fears work, they are just methods of protection against a perceived danger, but the problem happens when something that is not dangerous appears to be dangerous to the mind.

It will require you some courage to overcome the fear of intimacy because you will have to learn how to reveal yourself more to others. You must share some of these hidden secrets with your friends and you must be honest when expressing what you feel.

Some people lose their sense of their self completely because they are never emotionally honest when it comes to dealing with others. They say what their friends would like to listen to, they don’t express feelings that might make others reject them and they hide most of their real selves just to avoid intimacy.

The result is a deep feeling of being lost and a great damage to their self confidence.

Who Are You?

As children, the critical comments we received from our parents and from our school teachers may have resulted in making us ashamed of our true identities or in other words it resulted in making us think that we are worthless.

That’s another reason why do people fear intimacy. Deep in their subconscious minds they think that they are worthless and that’s why they choose to avoid people not to let them discover this fact.

Final Words on Overcoming Fear of Intimacy

Be honest, be yourself & have some courage. This is the key to overcoming fear of intimacy.

The more you be yourself the more will you value yourself more and the more will others value you. On the other hand the more you hide your true self by fearing intimacy the more will your self worth deteriorate and the more lonely you will become.

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