Posted in Weekly Blog

Learning how to live


Today we focused on how we might move out of difficult places and explored a few things around ‘What Helps Me In My Recovery?’ The group suggested things like Chocolate (in moderation!), Exercise, Being with others, Phone support, Listening to advice from GP, Being kind to self, Good choices about well-being, Using safecards, Using services, Friends, Caring for pets and children.  We asked ‘What good things did you manage you thought you wouldn’t?’  People had surprised themselves by achieving things like DIY projects, establishing a routine, making journeys alone (to London is particularly challenging) and attending events.

Next we attempted to locate three Happy Memories, people were able to get into contact with various situations in which they had felt happy including things like having a pet, or sharing a passing smile with a stranger, finally we looked at times where we have helped others which everyone had done in big and small ways from giving directions to raising children, and we can all think of times where the group have helped one another through difficulties.
By doing this exercise we counted up the good things, small things can add up to make life worth living. And while we are looking optimistically to the future we came up with a few suggestions for the May/June programme.

Posted in Weekly Blog

How do you doodle?


Some group members were a bit more inspired with life today and had got stuck in doing some things they enjoy, while others where struggling.  In life we can have good and bad days, but the good thing about this group is that people are always welcome to attend no matter what their mood is.  The presence of other people in the group can raise hope for people who are not doing so well.

Geoffrey joined us as a guest today and gently took us on a journey to think about what goals we may have, or even to form some in the first place.  Geoffrey uses doodling as an art form and talked about how slowly doodling (which comes from the word dawdling) can help us to stop and gather our thoughts and can actually take our thoughts from dark places as we become absorbed in the task.  We also considered how our goals can sometimes be a long time in coming and being formed.  Geoffrey was asked how the name of his blog, Thin Silence, came about; It is from a story where a prophet is waiting for God to speak.  Contrary to expectation God did not speak through the earth quake, or through the fire but he spoke through a gentle whisper.  So in life our most powerful messages may not come loudly but through a thin silence.

We would once again like to thank Geoffrey for giving up his time to come to the group.

Posted in Weekly Blog

Keeping you all in mind


Easter can be a busy time and no-one was able to attend the group this week.  However, people were not forgotten.  They were each thought of and held in their current situations and we hope to see people soon when they are able to manage.  A little wren has taken to sitting outside the window of the group room and singing loudly.  A small bird with a very big song, it feels like he is trying to sing his encouragement.  Or he might be looking for a lady wren.  Look forward to seeing people this week.

Posted in Weekly Blog

The Fear of being loved


Today group members talked of how hard it can be for them to react to comments made by others about them, be that negative or indeed positive.  We also discussed how people may find it easier not to get close to anyone for fear of rejection or of being let down. A lot of these issues have been due to childhood/ past experiences.  It can be such a scary thing to try and change the way you look at things after having done it habitually for years.  While we can understand the need to protect ourselves from a potential let down we can also be cutting ourselves of from happiness and in turn, increasing our loneliness.  An increased self awareness and self belief can provide a good start to changing this pattern.

Below is an article from the 2know myself website entitled Fear of Intimacy

Fear of intimacy

Fear of intimacy is the fear of forming a close relationship with someone, with your friends or even with your wife. Don’t you sometimes find yourself afraid to share your emotions with some of your close friends? This is a simple example of fear of intimacy.

People who fear intimacy either avoid close relationships completely or even form relationships with unavailable partners just to prevent the relationship from becoming intimate. The problem with fear of intimacy is that it leads to loneliness. Loneliness is the absence of intimacy and fear of intimacy makes sure that you won’t get close to anyone.

Overcoming fear of intimacy

In order to overcome the fear of intimacy you must first understand it. Fear of intimacy is usually the result of some early childhood wound like being rejected or betrayed. If as a child you were emotionally betrayed or if one of your parents betrayed the other you may grow up having fear of intimacy just to protect yourself from being betrayed or rejected.

This is how all fears work, they are just methods of protection against a perceived danger, but the problem happens when something that is not dangerous appears to be dangerous to the mind.

It will require you some courage to overcome the fear of intimacy because you will have to learn how to reveal yourself more to others. You must share some of these hidden secrets with your friends and you must be honest when expressing what you feel.

Some people lose their sense of their self completely because they are never emotionally honest when it comes to dealing with others. They say what their friends would like to listen to, they don’t express feelings that might make others reject them and they hide most of their real selves just to avoid intimacy.

The result is a deep feeling of being lost and a great damage to their self confidence.

Who Are You?

As children, the critical comments we received from our parents and from our school teachers may have resulted in making us ashamed of our true identities or in other words it resulted in making us think that we are worthless.

That’s another reason why do people fear intimacy. Deep in their subconscious minds they think that they are worthless and that’s why they choose to avoid people not to let them discover this fact.

Final Words on Overcoming Fear of Intimacy

Be honest, be yourself & have some courage. This is the key to overcoming fear of intimacy.

The more you be yourself the more will you value yourself more and the more will others value you. On the other hand the more you hide your true self by fearing intimacy the more will your self worth deteriorate and the more lonely you will become.